I dun like the time when i am alone in the night, and i wanna talk to someone....Why i cant learn to share with You alone?
I dun like the time when my mind urge me to find a partner or out of sudden i think of someone and i will lose my mind....Why cant i learn to love You and wait for You?
I dun like the time when i am late....Why cant I be punctual as i have set this concept in my mind ?
I dun like the time when i try to give excuse and try to find the possible out of the impossibility?...why cant i lean on You?
I dun like the time when i fail to discipline myself, and make my body control me?...Why cant i let You discipline?
I dun like the time when the timing is wrong, why when the chances come and i am in wrong timing and they went off...Why cant I tune my timing to Your timing?
I dun like the time when my mind is so "good" in linking and predicting the result, that i dun know the response i give is out of my heart or what i actually plan to make the situation better?....why cant I just dont think ?
I dun like the feeling of dislike, why cant i make every situation as an opportunity to learn something?

I am really working hard, but why i need to be connected again? I planned to let go, but i have the responsibility there, i dont know how to face it, i really really scare once i give in i cant make myself out of it and i will do something hurting...Am i a coward who always think of escaping instead of facing it and conquer it? I dont know, i pray to You to help me, guide me...I dont wanna hurt people, i am tired of drawing myself out once i am in, i am tired of thinking something out of nothing like a mad people, i am tired of facing myself who act like a coward. Why again and again these things defeat me down?
Why again and again, my mind change so fast?
Why again and again i screw up the situation?
Why again and again i am weak ?
Why again and again i try and i fail, and i try and i fail?
Why again and again i say "I will not" and i follow my heart and I go?
Why again and again when i make my mind clear, and it will not last long?
Maybe what i can do best and for the best, i dont mean it is best but it is best out of my ability, is to rest and readjust myself in You.

I believe i dont know what is "in a relationship", what is "boy girl love about", i wanna quit from them for a moment,i leave it to You...Dont ask me whether i have gf onot, what i could tell you is i used my way ,i tried but i dont have.. I believe that there are more precious things in my life for me to treasure and love. You might say i am a loser and only say so coz i fail to be in a relationship, whatsoever i dont care.....At times it really drives me crazy!!!! I have enough of it.
I still believe true love will come, but seriously i dont know when , who, and is really enough for me think who is, who is not, Is Your business man, help me handle..I am not try to be irresponsible, but if could you teach me and let me know, dont leave me alone thinking, guessing like a mad people. Please!!! Thz! Nitez.


A piece of my thought on that night....

Maybe the way to avoid disappointment is to avoid meeting appointment, stop to give hope to yourself...Kinda coward...